| Valentine | | Cast : | Denise Richards, David Boreanaz | | Director : | Jamie Blanks | | Studio : | Warner Brothers Home Video | | Format : | Color, Closed-captioned, Widescreen, Dolby | | Released Date : | February 02, 2001 | | DVD Released Date : | July 24, 2001 | | Language : | Unknown (Dubbed), English (Dubbed), French (Subtitled), English (Subtitled), English (Original Language) | | Audience Rating : | R (Restricted) | | | BUY THIS DVD FROM AMAZON |
Customer Reviews
| Rating |  | | Date | July 09, 2005 | | Summary | Worth a look, then move on quickly | Content
 | The history of the slasher film constitutes one of the most intriguing yet ultimately disappointing evolutions in all of filmdom. Forget about the development of the noir film, or the romantic drama, or the all important war flick. You need go no further than the good old-fashioned hack and slash film to witness the intellectual bankruptcy of Hollywood and its affiliates. At one time what would become the slasher film was an inventive area of moviemaking, allowing directors and writers wide latitude in coming up with original themes drenched in the red stuff. How about reinforcing a conservative message--such as telling kids not to drink, smoke, or engage in pre-nuptial contact--with a machete buried in a forehead? "Friday the 13th" developed this theme so well that it soon became a much beloved joke picked up by the late 1990s satires of the slasher genre. The best era for the slasher film, outside of the late '90s resurgence that still reverberates today, was the early 1980s. Ahhh, the good old days of "My Bloody Valentine" and "Happy Birthday to Me"! I miss 'em, but at least DVD is resuscitating all the good stuff.
Sadly, DVD also brings us recent misfires like "Valentine." A slasher flick in spirit if not in effectiveness, here's a movie that exemplifies all that is wrong with today's mainstream efforts in the genre. Bring together a bunch of hot young chicks in tight clothes for a series of relatively bloodless encounters with a masked killer, throw in a holiday theme, and sit back and watch the bucks roll in. Well, not exactly. "Valentine" bombed at the box office and, if other reviewers' opinions are any indication, continues to bomb on DVD. The storyline is fairly easy to follow, at least initially. Five busty babes--Paige (Denise Richards), Kate (Marley Shelton), Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw), Lily (Jessica Cauffiel), and Shelley (Katherine Heigl)--die horribly at the hands of a nut whose nose bleeds after he offs his victims with a series of sharp objects, all while wearing a cheesy looking cupid mask. Shelley is the first one to go when she runs into the evil one at medical school. After her funeral, her friends come together in an attempt to figure out what happened. One of the girls' boyfriends, the alcoholic Adam (David Boreanz), shows up intermittently to provide us one of his patented megawatt smiles. He also serves to provide the audience with yet another possible suspect.
The film begins by showing us a troubling incident that most likely led to the current killings, a dance during the girls' childhoods that resulted in a rather embarrassing series of events for Dorothy and a nerdy looking kid named Jeremy Melton. The resulting confrontation obviously gave someone a serious complex that must find bloody retribution years later. Melton seems suspicious, especially when the girls discover that his life after this incident consisted of a series of stays at state run facilities. Too, the arrival of grim messages to future victims signed "J.M." also seem to point to this troubled young man as the killer. Even as the girls try to tie the murders to Mr. Melton, their numbers drop as the killer relentlessly goes about his bloody work. Things aren't quite as they seem in "Valentine" as director Jamie Blanks goes for a film that resembles more closely a Dario Argento giallo than Wes Craven's "Scream." Alas, the twisty and turny series of events leading to the eventual unmasking of the real killer is often sabotaged by a cardboard cutout cast, pedestrian pacing, and uninspired kills that bore with their lack of sauce. Arrows in the chest? Death via hot tub? I've got one word to describe "Valentine": YAWN!
What happened here? A gorgeous cast mixed with giallo elements should have worked like a charm. The biggest problem is Blanks's insistence on crafting an Argento thriller without over the top gore (scenes were cut, apparently, and the movie suffers for it). One thing you almost always get with Dario Argento is cringe-inducing gore, and "Valentine" just can't match up. It's probably got something to do with those nasty old hags over at the MPAA, who won't hesitate to slap an NC-17 rating on a film with Argento level violence. Thus we have a gore lite movie that must rely on Argento's other contribution to the horror genre: the twist ending. At least "Valentine" does do a good job of keeping us guessing as to who is responsible for killing these young ladies. But you'll need to stop laughing long enough to appreciate the conclusion, and that's a mighty difficult thing to accomplish. The giggles start during the opening flashback sequence when we notice that the younger versions of the film's stars sport the exact same haircuts as their older versions. Wow! I guess the filmmakers think we're too stupid to realize these are supposed to be the same people! Then there's Jessica Capshaw's (yep, Kate's kid) performance. What's up with the clinched teeth, Jess? At first, I thought she'd sat on a corncob. Then I thought she had lockjaw. Then I realized she's just a bad actress. Loosen up, girl!
Yep, "Valentine" delivers more in the way of laughs than shocks. It's worth watching, I suppose, for fans of Denise Richards (who plays wicked and catty here quite well), but most other viewers will spend far more time looking at their watch than the movie. A film that would have worked far better had the director ramped up the gore level, or at least insisted on releasing an uncut version of the movie on DVD, "Valentine" as it stands doesn't get more than three stars from me. Oh yeah, I almost forgot: not one of these lovely ladies goes about in her birthday suit. What's up with that! A crime, I say, a crime!
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| Rating | | | Date | May 29, 2005 | | Summary | The usual sex and violence flick | Content
| Come on guys, why use your acting talent on an average script like this one?
David Boreanaz basically transplanted his Angel good-guy persona onto this movie. We never see him being bad. He is capable of much more complex work, as he showed several times in the Angel TV series.
The same can be said of Denise Richards. She is beautiful, and she plays the vixen well, but the complexity is beneath her talent.
The script is average, and the premise is tired. I know you moviemakers and team all have to earn a living, but we live for your work, so don't disappoint us so! |
| Rating | | | Date | May 14, 2005 | | Summary | 2.35 STARS: Not too bad, but not very good either. | Content
| Having gone into the theatre expecting a ZERO, I was somewhat pleasantly surprised with the movie "Valentine" although it certainly wasn't very good by any means...it's just that I expect so little from modern horror flicks these days. I give it just over TWO stars because the movie is average/fair for its type and in some ways below average...the kills were interesting, but the movie ultimately fails to keep the ball rolling throughout the flick and the result is a declining climax or complete lack thereof which is detrimental to the effectiveness of the film.
I think the creators of "Valentine" felt like they could make a better Valentine's Day movie than the previous 80s slasher flick "My Bloody Valentine". Personally, I believe they failed in that attempt as "My Bloody Valentine" is a superior movie to this modern day slasher flick.
The acting in "Valentine" is average at best and I thought that the directing was ok. However, I was very disappointed to find out that the killer in this movie was essentially a total wuss, but I guess there is always multiple personality disorder and schizofrenia which is the all important equalizer in these type of flicks so to speak.
Basically, "Valentine" is a story about a killer who seems to have been one of those nerds in school who is now out for revenge against the people who rejected him at one time...the only suspense is who is the murderer, but even that isn't too hard to figure out. Indeed, "Valentine" is your typical slasher flick which is fairly predictable notwithstanding the writers and directors sincere attempt to create a mystery/suspense slasher flick. If you are interested in your garden variety slasher flick, rent this and you won't be disappointed, but just don't expect anything above average from this movie...hence, the slightly better than TWO STAR rating. However, as I mentioned above, for today's standards this is a pretty good modern day horror flick, albeit, that aint saying much folks. |
| Rating | | | Date | May 10, 2005 | | Summary | Awesome Horror Movie | Content
| This movie totally rocks! its not as scary as others and it isnt really gory, but I love the plot! A loser named Jeremy Melton(Joel Palmer) gets turned down by every girl he asks to dance at a Valentines day dance, then ends up getting beat up and ssent to reform school. Then he comes back 13 years later with an intricate revenge plot and kills off the girls who turned him down 1 by 1. But in my opinion, the guy who is supposed to be the ugly loser at the beginning of the movie is really hot, the hottest guy in the movie. |
| Rating | | | Date | May 02, 2005 | | Summary | Ummm...Kleenex? | Content
| I'm not exactly sure what to think of this one. It's the standard slasher movie where young kids are cruel to a peer and years later, he takes revenge on all of them. Though it's all predictable, the film still ends up being watchable.
Years ago in junior high, a group of kids terrorize a geek with severe nosebleeds when he asks one girl to dance. Of course, in these movies anyone who's rejected by a girl once immediately becomes a serial killer. Years later, the group of girls and their friends start to receive threatening valentines, and one by one, get offed in creative ways by a psycho in a cupid mask.
The film borrows from practically every slasher movie ever made, but it still happens to be entertaining in the no-brainer sense. It's certainly not one of the worst slasher movies ever, (I believe that title goes to 'The Prey' or the absolutely hilarious 'Pieces') but it's not exactly really good either. |
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